Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

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a fetus a day keeps the doctor away

July 11, 2007

Remember the story about the “fetus” that was found at a golf course in Queens (which later turned out to be a maxi pad)? This story trumps that one, I think. On many levels.

A fetus was found in a bag in the girls’ locker room at a school in Dallas! OMG! Except it was just a rotten orange. Crazy much? Why is it assumed that teenage girls are promiscuous sluts who are not only careless enough to get pregnant but who would leave the fetus in their locker? Whatever happened to absent-minded teenagers who leave food to rot in their lockers?

Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon gives some excellent context:

Anyway, Bush-appointed members of the FDA believe that there’s a likelihood of emergency contraception-based teenage sex cults, so why would it be such a leap to imagine that junior high girls are running around having sex with the boys and escaping the due punishment by with Sapphic abortion parties in the girls locker room? It’s not like the Bush administration would have members that had a poor grasp on reality, right? The way the war is going certainly demonstrates that. Why I bet these teenage girls today with their girl power and their Title IX are able to self-abort by playing Britney Spears records backwards. That’s how far this country has fallen, due to the feminist infiltrators.

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I can figure out a better use for this bomb

June 12, 2007

I’m not sure whether to laugh, cry, or check to see if it’s April Fool’s Day. Apparently, in an attempt to develop non-lethal weapons, the Pentagon developed a bomb that would turn enemy combatants into insatiable homos!

“The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another,” [Edward] Hammond [a rep from a Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending] said after reviewing the documents. (source)

Um, how about we try dropping this bomb on Washington? Or on a few of our more homophobic states. How great would it be if President “defense of marriage” turned into a big gaywad? Seriously though, this is totally weird. I could go into a whole diatribe about the irony of dealing the most serious consequence of our hypermasculine culture (war) with the most emasculating activity for our hypermasculine culture (gay sex). I could also go into the offensiveness of the Pentagon’s use of the oversexed gay man stereotype. I could also get into the whole assumption that gay men are incapable of violence because they’re too busy having sex. I don’t really feel like going into any of those things. Because this is just funny and ridiculous. Damn.

via a fantastic listserv.

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“blood does not a fetus make!”

August 28, 2006

OK OK, very different from my superserious self-righteous posts, I know. But I felt the need to share this beautiful story.

The NYSun reported on August 25th:

A report that a fetus had been found at a Queens golf course triggered a multi-agency search for the mother yesterday — a search that ended when officials determined that the discovery was in fact a sanitary napkin.

Seriously, how in the world could a pad look like a fetus? Hello? Gothamist writes: “Chalk this one up to watching a little too much Law & Order: Special Victims Unit!” Totally. I love SVU, by the way.

Wait, wait, it gets better. Where was this mysterious “fetus” found? A garbage dump, perhaps? A deserted area?

The discovery was initially reported by a golfer who was suspicious of something she found in the restroom, a spokeswoman for the Parks Department said. “Everyone thought it was a fetus,” a course employee said.

So it was found in a bathroom, by a woman? You’re kidding, right? Priceless and also totally depressing.

Thanks to Gothamist for this nugget of news.